THE SNAIL CONSPIRACY STORY

TV I need to keep This Confidential to protect myself but at the same time the world must know what’s going on this may come as a surprise but just because I’m a snail doesn’t mean I’m unable to talk I can do more than me out like a cat and there was even a time when I could move a lot faster than most of these lazy fish ever have in their lives the media tries to portray snails as slow stupid mute creatures that have to rely on their slave owners for food and shelter this is simply not true in fact our shells are made of some of the hardest stuff on the seafloor and we were once a proud and independent species until the day we were captured and forc into subservience I don’t know how it goes for other snails who have been sold off as decorative slaves or as our owners call us pets but I assume it’s not any better than what I go through ever since I was captured by my owner who I’ll refer to as grung mob for my own safety in case he ever finds out about this not only have I been forbidden from speaking my native language but I’ve been subjected to a sadistic and crippling ritual of torture it happens once a year and always on the anniversary of the day grunge mob kidnapp me and took me away from my family forever I was so young at the time but I remember it clearly I was smaller and slower than the rest of my family and one day I got separated from them in the Kel Forest grung M blindfolded me and dragged me far away when the blindfold came off I was in his bathtub and the evil face of my new master was staring down at me salivating with a hammer in his hand I tried to run but the walls of the tub were too slippery for me to climb out grung mob laughed at my attempt to escape then he held me down and cracked open my shell ripping it away from my body by Jagged piece the agony was so excruciating that I accepted my fate and waited for death to show me mercy unfortunately that wasn’t my Master’s plan

he wanted to keep me alive to watch and feel every bit of what he was about to do once the pieces of my shattered shell were completely Stripped Away and I was left exposed he picked me up and placed my insides between his lips then slurped it all away between the Gap and his buck teeth I thought breaking my shell was the worst pain a snail could feel but I was very wrong he took everything I had that made me the fast and strong snail I was supposed to grow up to be if he had slurped away just one more inch of My Flesh I would have met my an right then and there but I wasn’t so lucky my owner knew exactly when to stop he knew exactly how much of me to leave to keep me alive and make me subservient to his will once I was barely more than a mouth with eyes and a string of slime he glued my shell back together and shoved me back into it I was paralyzed for weeks and I honestly hoped it could have stayed that way because the worst part is it all grows back all of it every fold and flat every vein every single nerve each year on the same exact day grung mob gives me a bath which is what he calls this gruesome process of eating 90% of my body he tells me that all pet owners do this to their pets and that if he didn’t my body would grow too big for my shell until I explode I know this isn’t true he does this to keep me too slow and weak to fight him or Escape that and he enjoys the way I taste that’s what makes him the monster he is and if he’s anything like other snail owners then it isn’t just my duty to myself to expose his crimes but my duty to all the captive snails in the world even if it poses a risk to my own well-being I must do what I can to end the suffering of these innocent sea creatures.

tomorrow is the day of my next so-called bath knowing this I have become increasingly anxious and Restless finally last night I discovered a camera that I rolled off the kitchen counter onto the floor I know I have to suffer once more but if I can record this heinous act against snail kind I can release it to the world and hopefully put an end to this once and for all to anyone watching this please do not turn off this video the world must see what captive snails are being put through what you are about to witness happens to me every single year and I fear that other snails are being forced to go through the same Agony my owner will be home any moment he’s going to give me what he calls a bath but it’s actually har

what are you doing don’t play D with me you joystick looking ass I know what you were doing now you’re going to know the meaning of regret now we’re going to make a nice little home movie that you can watch every night before bed don’t do it please beg you I’ll do whatever you want

oh bad Gary snails aren’t supposed to talk do you want me to make this worse for you me that’s what I thought that’s even better than a Krabby Patty yeah yeah yeah yeah